Aqualad's secret
by ProcrastinatorsUniteTomorrow
Summary: What if Speedy found out Aqualad's secret to attracting girls? NO SLASH.


**Ok, this is my first Titan's fic, so some of the people MIGHT be a bit OOC. Sorry, but I'm trying to learn. Constructive criticism is welcome. Oh, and I think it only fair to warn you that I am using Google Translator for Mas y Menos, as I am not fluent in Spanish. Set after Titans East Part 2. Please review. Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TEEN TITANS OR RED LOBSTER. If I did I'd be filthy rich.**

Speedy snuck down the hallway, eyes darting left and right. Then, once he was sure no one was looking, he darted into Aqualad's room, and shut the door. The 'room' was more or less a large swimming pool with all of the furniture underwater. Speedy sighed. This was one of the disadvantages of Aqualad being an Atlantian. Taking a deep breath, he dived in, hoping to finish his 'business' before Aqualad came back. If his teammates, found out, he would be in SOOOO much trouble. But it was worth it. Aqualad needed to pay.

_FLASHBACK_

_Speedy walked into the tower, whistling to himself. However, he found the rest of the team waiting for him, and they did NOT look happy. In fact, they looked, uh, the opposite of happy._

_Speedy smiled sheepishly. "Uh, is something wrong?"_

_Bumblebee rolled her eyes. "No. Just Steamroller breaking out of jail and us going to fight him only to find that YOU ARE NOWHERE IN SIGHT!"_

"_I can explain!"_

_Bumblebee narrowed her eyes. "Ok, start talking."_

_Speedy gave a nervous laugh. "Well, you see, I was doing a little jog out in town when I walked past Red Lobster. I looked at the sign and it said that everything was 25% off today only from 2-5 o'clock."_

_Mas y Menos looked hurt. "Usted fue a Red Lobster ,cuando todo estaba a la venta sin antes hablar con nosotros?"_

_Speedy stared at them blankly, and then turned to Bumblebee. "Uh, translation please?"_

"_They were wondering how you could have abandoned your team just so you could take advantage of a sale at a restaurant."_

_Mas y Menos shook their heads. "No he dicho eso_. _Queremos saber como se podia ir sin antes. Deje de__poner palabras__en nuestra boca__, senorita Bumblebee."_

_Bumblebee huffed. "Fine. They were wondering how you could go without inviting them. But that's not the problem. The problem is that you were gone at some seafood restaurant while the rest of us were-"_

"_SEAFOOD RESTAURANT?"_

_Bumblebee scowled, not liking that she was interrupted. "Yes Aqualad, Red Lobster is a seafood restaurant. Now can we please-"_

"_How could you go to a seafood restaurant? Some of those were probably my friends!"_

_Speedy smirked. "Well let me just say that your friends were delicious."_

_Aqualad narrowed his eyes, and then tackled Speedy._

_Bumblebee face palmed. "Ugh, I give up!" She flew away while Mas yMenos goaded the two on with a steady chant of, "Lucha, lucha, lucha! (Fight, fight, fight!) However, Speedy, despite being an archer, was much more experienced at hand to hand combat that his opponent, so the fight was largely one sided. Speedy gave a haughty smile. He had won…or so he thought._

_The next morning, Speedy was awakened by the sound of his alarm clock. He yawned, turned off the clock, and went to the bathroom do his hair. What he saw, however, made him freeze in his tracks. He had a Mohawk! Someone must have snuck into his room at night and cut his hair, and he had a sneaky suspicion that he knew who that someone was. Speedy was on the verge of tears. "Why?" he whispered. "Why would you do this to my hair?" Suddenly, Speedy felt his resolve tighten. He WOULD get even with Aqualad. NO ONE messed with HIS hair and got away with it."_

_End Flashback._

Speedy went through the drawers, looking for something that he could blackmail Aqualad. An old photo, a diary, information about a secret girlfriend, any of these would work. Well, except that last one. All of the girls practically swooned when Aqualad came by. Speedy wondered, if only briefly, what the secret was. He came up to the surfacemfor another breath before going back to continue his search. So far, he hadn't found anything. Frustrated, he looked under the mattress, hoping against hope that Aqualad kept something of importance hidden under there. What he found shocked him. _Cologne? _Speedy wondered ashe picked up a bottle and read the label. It said, 'The Secret of Atlantis'. Puzzled Speedy looked at the back and read the description. _This magical cologne will have the ladies swooning when you walk by. Guaranteed to boost your sex-appeal by 50%, or your money back. Must be 18 years or older to order. _Speedy's eyes were as wide as dinner plates. So THAT'S how Aqualad always made such an impression on the women. Looking back under the bed, Speedy saw about six other bottles. Speedy took all of them and climbed out of the water, now more focused on getting a date than blackmailing Aqualad. When he opened the door, however, he was almost run over by a blur of white. There was a screeching sound, and then Mas y Menos came back, right in front of him. "Que estas hacienda en la habitacion de Aqualad senior?"

_Busted!_ thought Speedy as he desperately tried to find an excuse to whatever their question was. "Uh…hey, is that the ice cream truck?"

Two large smiles appeared on the twin's faces. "Helado!" they both shouted as they raced away to find the truck. Speedy breathed a sigh of relief. They would probably run through the entire city until they found some place that served ice cream. He was off the hook…for now. _Now to test this stuff out._ thought the archer. But on who? The only girl in their tower was Bumblebee, and he wasn't exactly enthusiastic about going on a date with someone who would probably order him to do something he didn't want to do every 5 seconds. He want someone who was pretty, kind, and very naïve. Someone like…Starfire.

Speedy hopped into his pod of the T-ship and disconnected it from the others. No need to ask Bumblebee. She would probably just say no and take away his keys. Hey, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt him, uh, I mean, her. Speedy sighed. Why couldn't Cyborg have made him the leader of Titans East? Then he could do all of the irresponsible stuff he wanted without having to worry about someone else finding out and punishing him.

_5 minutes later. _

The alarms in the tower blared.

"Trouble!" shouted Bumblebee. "Titans—wait. Where's Speedy?"

Aqualad shrugged. Mas y Menos were still moping over their ice cream cones, which they had dropped when the alarm sounded. Muttering curses under her breath, Bumblebee pulled out her communicator and called Speedy. Speedy's communicator did its little ring tone, and he instinctively picked it up. He regretted that action roughly two seconds later. Bumblebee glared at the screan, taking note of his surroundings. Speedy was obviously in the T-ship, and judging from his signal, he was traveling west, AWAY from the battle.

"SPEEDY!" yelled Bumblebee. "What do you think you're doing? Turn that piece of junk around and-"

Speedy promptly closed his communicator, not caring to listen to his leader's rant. He was probably going to regret doing that when he got back, but hey, at least he would have some good memories before Bumblebee killed him.

Back at the tower, Bumblebee looked about ready to strangle the nearest living thing, prompting Aqualad and the twins to back up a couple of steps. After a few seconds, Aqualad mustered the courage to speak up.

"Uh, Bumblebee? The bank is still being robbed. We should probably go stop it.

Bumblebee huffed. "Fine. Titans, GO!" As they ran out the door, she started thinking about the best way to kill Speedy when he came back.

A couple of hours later, Speedy finally arrived at the Titans Tower. After liberally spraying himself with his ticket to a date, he called Robin.

"Hey Rob, what's up?"

"Uh, Speedy, what are you doing here? Is something wrong back in Steal City?"

"No, no, no. I was, uh, just dropping by to say hi." Oh_, sure, like he's going to believe that._ "Oh, and I was wondering if maybe you and I could train together." _Ok, better. Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought._ Speed scowled. _Shut up, brain._

"Oh, ok. Just land on the roof. I'll meet you there. Robin, out."

The craft descended, and Speedy hopped out. Back in the tower, Starfire was cooking dinner (not coincidently, Cyborg was also ordering pizza.) Suddenly, the Tameranian girl had a very strong feeling towards Speedy. Following the strange desire, she set down the bowl and raced to the roof.

"Hey Star! Where are you going?" Cyborg called after her. Beast Boy, meanwhile, took the opportunity to get rid of Starfire's food while she wasn't looking.

In her room, Raven had just started her meditation. She hovered about a foot above the floor as she chanted her mantra. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath, Metri—" She stopped abruptly, a strong feeling of love suddenly overcoming her.

Back on the roof, Robin greeted his fellow partner in crime-fighting. "Hey Speedy. Um, what's with the hair?"

Whatever response the archer was about to give was interrupted by Starfire, who was flying through the air at top speed to Speedy. "Oh Speedy! I am so glad that you came!" The alien girl wrapped Speedy in a big hug. Robin could swear he heard bones crack. Speedy was writhing in agony, desperately trying to breath."I find you to be most handsome, especially your new style of hair. We shall do the 'hanging out' together! We shall go to the mall of shopping and we shall buy new clothes and we shall-"

"Starfire. Can't…breath…"

Starfire let go of Speedy. "I apologize, friend Speedy. I did not intend to-"

Starfire was interrupted yet again, this time by Raven, who suddenly appeared a few feet away. "Hey Speedy", she said, wrapping her arms around Speedy. Robin's jaw hit the floor. Just then, Cyborg and Beast Boy walked. They stopped short, gawking at the sight in front of them.

"Dude," said Beast Boy. "I didn't know it was possible for Raven to fall in love."

Cyborg's response was cut short by yet another arrival, a villainess from the H.I.V.E. academy, to be exact. The male Titans could only stare. "Angel?" Cyborg half-asked, half-stated. Angel ignored him.

"Hey Speedy."

Speedy gulped. Maybe this wasn't worth it. Cyborg's next sentence only seemed to reaffirm that thought.

"Uh, guys, I don't want to alarm you, but the shore is literally covered in boats, and woman from ages 12-60 seem to be making a bee-line for the Tower. I recognize Jinx, Cheshire, Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Kitten, Batgirl-"

A call came through, interrupting Cyborg. He activated the screen on his arm. "Uh, hey Bumblebee."

Bumblebee was trying (and failing) to mask her wrath. "Hey, Sparky," she said through clenched teeth. "Is Speedy there? I REALLY need to talk to him."

"He stole my cologne!" Aqualad's voice came from the background.

Speedy smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, and let me just say it's working VERY well."

"Uh, how much did you use?"

"Two bottles."

"YOU IDIOT! That will attract girl from miles around."

"Yeah, I figured that much out, Fish stick."

Beast Boy tentatively raised his hand. "Um, dude, could you please explain what's going on?"

Aqualad sighed. "Fine. It's a magic cologne. It makes you, like, fifty time more appealing to girls."

This information would have had the other male Titans on their knees begging for this stuff if they didn't see what it was doing.

Cyborg looked back at the shore. "The girls are getting closer."

Speedy was desperate. "How do I stop it?"

"You're going to have to cover it with an even stronger smell."

Beast Boy smiled. "Why didn't you say so?" he asked, transforming into a skunk and spraying Speedy. The affect was instant and dramatic. Raven was fortunate to have been shoved out of the way by Angel when Beast Boy released his stench. Wrinkling her nose, she teleported back to her room, wondering what the heck had just happened. Starfire and Angel were not so lucky. Angel reeled away, holding her nose and, once she realized where she was, tried to get as far away from the tower as she could. Starfire was coughing. "This smells worse than a Zanorg Trafblech," she whined. Speedy, who had gotten the worst of it, passed out from the overwhelming smell. This really did smell worse than a Zanorg whatever. Bumblebee smirked.

"Nice job. Hey Sparky, can you get him back to Steal?"

"Well, I can put him in the ship and set it on auto-pilot."

"Thanks," she said, pulling out a stinger. "I'm going to teach Speedy not to abandon the team when there's an emergency. The hard way."

Cyborg shook his head. Poor Speedy.

**Well there it is. My first Titan fic. Please leave a comment telling what you think about it.**


End file.
